INTRO	July 9, 1985

Okay -- How do you start a book called "Summer Notes 1985"? Maybe I should say why I felt it necessary to put my ideas down in a book. I really am not sure – probably because I have too darn many of them running through my head all the time and I’ll forget them if I don’t put them down somewheres. As the song from Alan Parsons says, "Let’s talk about me for a minute – well how do you think I feel about what’s been going on?" I need a place to put down my thoughts on different ideas. Hopefully, I will write down songs, stories, ideas for games, and other potpourri in this journal. Hell, I might even try drawing – a feat which would be miraculous – oh yes, I do like the way the front page came out. I guess I’m becoming a windbag at this point, so I’ll cease writing.

 

FEAR	Aug 1

Why are you fighting in your mind?
When there is nothing you can do
If you run you prove nothing
To see day, night must be endured.
You’re scared of the unknown
But don’t want to try to understand
Open your eyes
And see that nothing is there.
If you stop taking chances,
Closing in on yourself
You might as well stop living.
That’s what life’s about.
Even to love, you must face fear.
For if the one you desire
Doesn’t feel the same for you
You are more alone than before.
After you conquer the enemy within
The rewards may be reaped
You now see your adversary as he truly is
Fear of knowing the ultimate truth
 
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.    -- F.D. Roosevelt
Fear always springs from ignorance.  -- R.W. Emerson

 

DADDY	Aug. 2

For some strange reason our wills always collide
If not you trying to slow me down
It’s my quest for freedom I can’t hide
The changes in my life seem to scare you but why?
Can’t you see I must leave the nest
If I truly wish to fly?
I know you wish to guide me all the way
But now I can’ think for myself
I won’t turn astray.
At this point all we seem to do is fight
And we continue only for pride
But I know things will work out right
Future times may be rough for you and me too
Just know I’ll never go too far away
‘Cause Daddy, I love you.
 
 
Voyager upon life’s sea: To yourself be true.
And whate’er your lot may be, Paddle your own canoe.  -- Edward P. Philpots

 

WHY?	Aug 21

Why are things never the way they seem?
Why does life seem to be reading like a book,
then all of a sudden you’re thrown a curve?
Why are you the way you are –
couldn't you be a little more like me?
Why can’t you see how much I love you
instead of ignoring me at every turn?
Why will there always be another cloudy day
when we know the sky is really blue?
 
 
Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no fibs. --Goldsmith – She stoops to Conquer
Love is like a duet of two instruments reaching perfect harmony. -- David Carta

 

ROAD TO NOWHERE

When you’re on a road to nowhere
It’s a solitary ride
The four wheels pull beneath you
following your shadow guide.
The road winds and curves
With nothing to show the way
Where you will finally end up
Is for God alone to say.
The road seems to go on forever
but the travel goes by fast
Places though, don’t seem to change much,
the first being like the last.
With the road finally ending
your final path is clear
You don’t know where you are
but your place is here.
 
 I have been a stranger in a strange land. -- Disraeli
Good company in a journey, makes the way to seem the shorter. --Izaak Walton
There is no map to the roads of life.  -- David Carta

 

FEELINGS, SO MANY FEELINGS

Looking through book and fantasy romances
I try and find a way to tell you about
Feelings, so many feelings, and the way I feel about you
Never really did this before
It was easier when I just thought about you as a friend but now,
Feelings, so many feelings, just get in the way.
Loving in life is something I was unprepared for --
But listening to what my head says and not how
Feelings, so many feelings tell me to go.
I have to tell you three simple words
"I love you" but how would my
Feelings, so many feelings survive if rejected.
Well that’s a part of life for me to see.
 

 

ANGEL WINGS

On angel wings up high
my thoughts of you seem to fly
A word I should have sent
Instead of a compliment spent
I run from telling you
Something you might feel too.
But if it was meant to be
The future for us to see
The risk of life would disappear
Making the prize seem only mere.
 
 
The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is Love. -- Bailey-Festus

 

FRIENDS

I hope you know that people like you make me strong.
You never try to judge me, just pick me up when I’m wrong.
I feel I can talk about things when you’re heading down.
Talking isn’t all; you help just by being around.
And if you are ever in a spot and need a helping hand
I stand by you so you can plant your feet on the land.
It doesn’t matter to me whether you dress in lace or leather
Because our strength comes from inside; our being together.
I know it doesn’t sound right to say that our feelings are love
Taking another look at it, it is when push comes to shove --
So remember I cam here for you, like you are for me
Our friendship bears itself out strong for all to see.
 
 
What is thine is mine, and all mine is thine.  -- Plautus
The strength of two friends is the strongest bond. -- David Carta

 

TIME

You can never find all the time you need
You can’t do all the things you would like
Just listen a sec’- and to my voice heed
Enjoy more of life or the time will pass you by
Don’t talk to me about the hours in a day
Never say I need some extra time
Stop a sec’- and listen to what I say
Slow down your pace ‘cause times just slippin’ away
Time falls through your fingers like sand
Can’t stop the ever pushing flow
Hold on a sec’- and try to understand
You’re fighting with no chance to win
And the only way to stop time’s rise
Is to build something which will forever last
Think a sec’- and now you realize
That only love can prevail, only love can survive.
 
 
Time and tide wait for no man.  -- English proverb
The signs of the times.  --  Mathew XVI, 3
There’s a time for all things.  --  Shakespeare, Comedy of Errors, Act II Sc 2
Enjoy the present day, trusting very little to the morrow.  --  Horace, Carmina
Time is the only adversary we all must face.  --  David Carta

 

END OF THE TUNNEL

You have heard that when you die
You see a light at the end of a dark tunnel
But I don’t wish to wait that long.
The light also comes when two hearts you tie
I guess it is kind of like waking up to a beautiful dream
Or maybe the climax to a long-forgotten song
It’s always there, and is always being sought
You need only open your eyes to see its beam
Just know the matrix of light is always there.
For if you haven’t seen the light before the end, your life was for naught.
 

 

SHADES OF GREY

Ever notice that things are never black or white
Couldn’t they just go one way or the other?
Shades of grey enter what should be clear
Things just are not as simple as day or night
Opposites attract, but should they mix?
Notice though -- a smile can bring a tear
 
 
He was a burning and a shining light.  -- John V, 35
Nothing is ever certain.  --  Anonymous

 

FRIENDS ARE THERE

When two are as friends, words seem to come freely
You can expose your soul and thoughts as one
And you can show yourself as you are
The thoughts are cleared of your mid like wind clearing clouds
You needn’t worry as someone is always there
You can talk to friends about problems in life
And will get help, it need not be advice
Just by being with you, listening to what you say
It’s amazing how a hug alone can keep you in the race
Knowing somebody is running beside you makes you go on
 

 

IT HURTS

You can’t believe how much people keep inside
Or the pain that comes after someone says you’ve lied
Sometimes loved ones can really tear you apart
By saying something that goes straight to the heart.
They don’t seem to understand what you’re going through
They just forget that you can come apart without glue.
With nothing ever giving you support at your walls
You might just break apart when your world falls.
Unfortunately, it’s not something for which you can be alert
‘Cause when it all comes at once -- nothing can stop the hurt.
 
 
There is no ghost so difficult to lay as the ghost of an injury.  --  Alexander Smith
The pain of the mind is worse than the pain of the body.  -- Syrus

 

I DON’T UNDERSTAND	From April 1985 and October 1985

Trying to see both sides
looking too close then too far away
The picture’s not in view
You can’t tune in, only out
Talking but not believing
Rambling on in meaningless ways
You can’t seem to relate
There is rhyme without reason
Watching the dance move on
Moving with the beat, but there’s no feeling
Going along with the crowd
Trying to get away
Putting on a front for others
Hiding the real you behind masks
The situation mesmerizes you
You’re not really sure what’s going on
I just don’t understand
Things should remain as they are
I don’t think anyone knows the score
Much less the game being played.
 
 Ignorance never settles a question.  --  Disraeli

 

THE LOST EMOTION	Nov 13

There is something out there
I have never seen before
But I have heard of its existence
From tales and other magic lore.
It can pervade your soul to where
You can almost reach out and touch it
But it’s like that target on the fence
Which you can never seem to hit.
I understand it comes from secret places
Trying its best to find a place to hide
It slinks in the shadows, staying out of view
much like a child who might have lied.
All that ever remains are traces
of this emotion, love, by name
it disappears to whence it came, like the morning dew
without its entrance, we are left poorer, and alas, the same.
 
 
Nothing is secret which shall not be made manifest.  --  Luke VIII, 17
Love isn’t something in need of being found --
It will come around when the time is right. -- David Carta

 

EXPERIENCES	11-21-84

Looking at the games we play
Thinking about the things we say
I’ve come to read the line
Saying everything will work out fine
The farther I’ve gone in life
suffering through pain and strife
The more I’ve come to see
That people are much like me
Trying to be a one man show
Always keeping on the go
It’s just love I want to find
But I keep falling behind
It seems such an awful shame
People just looking for wealth and fame
Me, I just live a life that’s honest and good
Doing what I see as right, the best I could
It’s so easy to see things as near or far
Instead of realizing the way they are
not everything is right or wrong --
You can’t read the future like you might a song.
 
 
Take life’s curves as they come.  --  David Carta
Life is hard – then you die.  --  Anonymous

 

QUESTIONS	12-19-85

Since last we met I’m no longer what I was
I’ve grown, changed, and parts of me have died.
And I’m sure the same has happened to you.
These are the things we shared, hoping to be understood
But it no longer seems the same.
Have we become so close that all I see is a blur?
Or are we really growing apart?
These things frighten me as I can’t know what to expect next
Is life ever going to be the same?
It’s been too long since I’ve seen your smile
It’s been too long since I’ve heard your voice
It’s been too long since I’ve met your gaze
We can’t let communication pull us down.
 

 

SMILE	1-3-86

It has been said a smile can make a day…
It’s true as many will attest to say
A smile breaks thru clouds like sunshine on a ray
Changing skies from their dismal shade of grey
No matter where you go, a smile should light your way.
 
 
There’s no reason not to smile.  -- David Carta
It is not every question which deserves an answer.  --  Syrus
The thing that goes farthest towards making life worthwhile,
That costs the least, and does the most, is just a pleasant smile.
                            -- Wilbur D. Nesbit, Let Us Smile

 

ODE TO A BYGONE YEAR	1-4

It’s gone and left without a word
with not even a whimper heard.
The time that was made room for time to be
The seed has turned to a sapling which will soon grow to a tree
All our past regrets should vanish with the old year
As new adversaries are approaching ever near
We can’t go back thru where we came
However to events of importance, we can give a name
Old memories and dreams still do remain
And we can take stock of our loss and gain
The future holds much for us to arrange
Even though it’s the past we wish to change
Looking back -- we really did accomplish a lot
But it never is quite the amount we sought
It’s time for this old year to close the lease
Goodbye faithful steed. may you rest in peace
 
 
One year seems just like the next.  --  David Carta
O, call back yesterday, bid time return.  -- Shakespeare, Richard II, Act III Sc 2
To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.  --  Campbell, Hallowed Ground

 

CHANGE	1-11

It comes all at once, or not at all
Akin to the river which sails smoothly
until you hit the fall
It forces you to make the move
Showing what you can do
When you really have nothing to prove
Few things ever can evade its grip
No matter how cautious you are along the path
How many of us can say we’ve never hit a trip
For some reason constants can’t stay
As bright as the sun is now
The end shall come to every day
But as frightening as it can be
It often does an entire world of good
Someday we may need a new letter between A and Z
 
 
I am not now that which I have been.  -- Byron, Child Harolo
Change is not only essential for growth, it’s a foundation of life. -- David Carta
We must watch changes approach or it may go on without us.  -- David Carta
Everything changes but change.  -- Zanwill
All things must change to something new, to something strange.  -- Longfellow

 

BREAKING OUT	2-2

I’ve been introspective for far too long
Making my own version of reality
Finding it harder than I first thought
to leave this cage I’ve come to call home
Time to acknowledge the world
And admit that the cell bars don’t exist
They’re only a trapping of my mind
Wanting there to be no escape.
I must force myself to slip away
From all the lies that used to bind
The prison is just the part of me
Trying to protect the whole
From a world of hypocrisy and fear.
Silently, stealthily I make my way free
The prize of life is too beautiful and deadly
For me to even contemplate return
Looking back, I can see the future
liberating both mind and heart
 
 
Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage.  --  Lovelace, To Althea from Prison
A prison of the mind is stronger than any of the body.  --  David Carta

 

NO GOING BACK	2/15

There’s no going back

just one shot is all you get
just one shot to make the future
just one shot to change the past

Take it as far as you can go

opportunity approaches and disappears
opportunity for the love of your life
opportunity that can scatter in the wind

Stake all your worldly goods for

chances for a glimmer of hope
chances carving what is to be
chances envisioning a better day

Aim nothing short of your goal

reach for what you deserve
reach and grab the one you love
reach, ‘cause if you miss, she’s gone for ever

There’s no going back.
 
 
Hitch your wagon to a star.  --  Emerson, Society and Solitude
Do not suppose opportunity will knock twice at your door.  --  Chamfort
One chance missed can be the chance of a lifetime.  --  David Carta

 

THE EFFORT MADE	3/3

O Broken Body, A Soaring Soul
A Battle Lost, A Chance Won
 
 
The hand reached up
Grasping more than the air it held.
Meanwhile thoughts raced
Through happenings which brought this to be.
"Impossible," they said,
"The enemy will blow you away"
But a transmission not made
Would lead others to this explosive hell.
Johnny was willing to try his best
Make a dash and reach for a star
Traverse this maze of war
The radio seemed an unattainable goal.
With guns flashing to his rear
He was covered for this slice of time
Suddenly the mortar fell
And behind a smoking ruin was all that remained
The realization and the shock
of his being completely alone never arose
The animal instinct of preservation
prompted him to block out the pain
"Now the goal is all
No place to return, no possible escape."
thought John as he dove down.
And the dust kicked up around him
He squeezed his hand on the trigger
Bullets sped through enemy lines
Doing minimal damage
Yet opening up a passage ahead
And suddenly he was there
the transmitter in his hand
a quick series of clicks and it was done
The future entered the hands of others
It was only a delay of seconds, but it was
time for metal to shred skin and bone
The body fell earthwards
but nothing could skin the spirit to its knees
He had felt the joy
of surpassing the insurmountable
only to feel death’s cool cloak
subsequent approach
His hand reached up to hang onto life
but he saw and realized what he had done
In dying, the victory had been won.
The hand released its grip, the life passed on.
 
 
How grand is victory, but how dear!  --  Boufflers
Let us do or die. -- Burns, Bruce to his men at Bannockburn
Look rather at attempts made than solely successes.  -- David Carta

 

LOVE IN A GLIMMERING MELODY	4/10

Striking my emotions with an invisible chord
The radiance of your visible presence lightens my soul
Cutting through its bonds of restraining shadows like a sword
Freeing a rhythm beyond my conscious control
A rainbow of notes then touches the sky
A form of the spectrum of beauty and affection I see in you
Enthralling my senses like a piper’s tune of days long gone by
I wish to enter the harmony creating a melody that’s new
At your departure the music fades to a pale glow
but of you, my thoughts have not yet gone
A single beat of love my heart reverberates to show
The song’s light shall continue on.
 
 
Music should strike fire from the heart of man, and bring tears from the eyes of woman.
        --  Beethoven
Why should the devil have all the good tunes?   --  Rowland Hill, Sermons
Love -- a grave mental disease.  -- Plato
Everybody in love is blind.  --  Propertius

 

SOL	Jan 14, 1986

In ages past, you were deemed a god
by many myriad cultures
But like much else in today’s world
You’ve been reduced to terms -> numbers
The land you ruled is gone
Its tale has been told
But still you continue your stellar path
Protecting us from the dark and cold
You wish not to relinquish your
Great power of control as the sun.
Because without your existence,
You know our chances of survival would be virtually none
However, for each glorious ascension
to your place as head of the skies
It’s only a matter of time before
we again will see your inevitable fiery demise.
 
 
Sun light is shining thru like a direct line to heaven.  --  Maxwell Hamilton
The sun shines even on the wicked.  --  Seneca
Truly the light is sweet, and a pleasant thing it is for the eyes to behold the sun.
            --  Ecclesiastes, XI, 7

 

I THOUGHT	April 20, 1986

I thought I really loved you
But now I see I was wrong
You were just a friend to me
Maybe I knew it all along
I thought truth was evident
But I was too blind to see
or reluctant to accept
What you really felt toward me
I thought release would end it
But it seems the love’s still there
Just a change with discretion
‘Cause behind the title, there’s still care
 
 
As he thinketh in his heart, so is he.  --  Proverbs XXIII, 7
Great thoughts come from the heart. --  Vauvenagues
A true friend is one soul in two bodies.  --  Aristotle
Keep thoughts to a minimum in regards to emotions. -- David Carta

 

THE GAME OF LIFE	5/29

More there must be in this game we call life
Than a constant remix of hand with which we began
Whoever dealt the cards stacked the deck against us
Could God have kept the aces leaving none for man?
A series of jumps and captures help to advance
Upon reaching the end there’s nowhere to go but back
The purpose seems to be lacking, without cause
Does it make much difference if red wins over black?
Sink a basket or make a pass
Closing the gap, soon the score is tied
Their engine speeds up and your car is left behind.
You at least must be sure you have tried
Each move we make brings us closer to mate
inside the game we are played as a pawn
But in our own world we seem the king
Regardless, can you really say you’ve won or lost when you’re gone?
 
 
The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong -- but that is the way to bet.
              --  Anonymous
Rather be the player than the played in the game of life.  --  David Carta
Realize -- life is the greatest game of all and the prize is the destination of your soul.  -- David Carta

 

DREAMS	6/5/86

(1)

a misty wisp of reality
can the things I’m experiencing truly be?
Set in an ambience of love and desire
or death and fear
a shot caused fatality
is that body on the ground really me?
amid the war-torn world burns a raging fire
it draws near
a feeling of neutrality
how is it I’m the only character I see?
I try running to safety but tire
wake upon a tear.
 
                    (2)

An eternal sleep
Life never ending
An immortal experience
Timeless love
And infinite expression
Occurring in just one moment
of a dream
 
 
Hold on tight to your dreams -- Electric Light Orchestra
We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.
           --  Shakespeare, The Tempest, Act IV, Sc 1

 

LIGHT CYCLE	6/22/86

(1)
The sun beaming down on your face
Is taken for granted -- something common place
No more than a fire to light the sky
Being replaced by ones created by man
As night begins to draw nigh
But the dark doesn’t mean that sol is gone
rather it’s circling the globe approaching a new dawn
Then dazzling us with colors and glory
Ranging from violet to golden tan
The day commencing a new story
 
(2)
Light burning down into our world
Igniting within each of us, passions
Passions burning into our hearts
Forming within each of us desires
Desires burning through our souls
Unleashing for each of us our own light.
 
 
And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.  --  Genesis, I, 3

 

THE PATH OF LIFE	June 23

The beat up road is a one way path
You’ll want to go back, but continue on
Your destination is nowhere in particular
But still you accelerate your pace
Praying you will be able to handle the future
Hidden by the curves ahead.
Travel down dead end tracks
traversed by others and to be traveled again
You were told that they had no exit
But you would or could not believe
Maybe you felt you were better, or wouldn’t be caught
Realize you’re not much different from the rest
A partner beside you eases the journey
holds your hand, urging you on
You must complete this trip
Because it can’t be finished here
The sentence remains life w/o bail
regardless of the crime.
 
 
The present contains nothing more than the past,  and what is found in the effect was already in cause.           -- Henri, Bergson, Creative Evolution
Life is exactly what we make of it -- regardless of its events -- ranging from optimistic to depressed, exciting to dull depending solely upon the input which we give it.  -- David Carta

 

INFATUATION	June 28

I’ve seen it before in my friends
even in myself
A blind man leading a blind heart
to eventual harm
Lust and desire both need to meet their ends
in real life
Without love, relationships soon will fall apart,
crumble, and die.
So why can’t I accept its happening now,
with my consent?
It’s obvious, I’ve been shown the signs
recurring now as before
I’m destroying myself with this heartache I allow
to hold me down
But where’s the key to open the chain which binds
so I can go my own way
 
 
This world is a comedy to those who think, A tragedy to those who feel.
            --  Horace Wapole, Letter to Sir Horace Mann
A wise man cares not for what he cannot have.  -- Herbert

 

NIGHT STATES OF MIND	June 30

There’s a moon illuminating my face
The stars twinkle in my eyes
A silent breeze caresses my cheek
And my hair flows in its stream
As my troubles vanish to the night
I realize the insignificance of them all.
In the heavens above battles are fought
Constellations engaged in eternal war
But below silence reigns near supreme
Opposed only by the crickets lone song
And on earth the same occurs as well
I see no advance on either side
The sky is as variant as the seasons
But the stars themselves remain the same
‘Til they fall to earth, then with the sun’s rise
The earth’s tears form in the dawn
Some things were just meant to be
Take the coal with the gold
and hope things work out for the best.
 
 
The nearer the dawn, the darker the night.  --  Longfellow, Tales of a Wayside Inn
For the night shows stars and women in a better light.  -- Byron, Don Juan
Night -- a time to gain insight and repose your mind.  -- David Carta

 

I WISH	July 1

I wish my vision of you was through clear eyes
Though I see you as only sweet and fine
I must find more, sweep away all the lies
Only then will I know if you are something I’d call mine
I wish I knew if my suspicions are right
‘Cause I believe I’m discovering clues left behind
The tracks are there, but of the prey there is no sight
Maybe it’s just you, paying at my mind.
I wish I could dispel my doubts which linger
But to me something about you seems out of place
It’s nothing at which I could point my finger.
to me you’re gorgeous, both in soul and face.
I wish I saw why it’s you I want to love
Guess, at the right time, you happened to be around
Seeming to come to me from heaven above
Can it be real this treasure I have found?
 
As you cannot do what you wish, you should wish what you can do.  --  Terence
Ride your wishes to the furthest star. -- David Carta
Where there is no vision, the people perish.  -- Proverbs XXIX, 18

 

FINALE	July 7

Everything has its own natural course to run
A small brook will run its independent way
‘Til it hits the sea or is evaporated by the sun.
In the matter of its demise it has absolutely no say.
Everything has its allotted time, the great and the small
All stand ready to heed God’s ultimate call
But there is no set end which must occur
A fish could live out its entire span
Or it could fall prey to a fisherman’s lure
Such things have been since time began.

 

 

METAMORPHOSIS

The cocoon around you is of your own design
Crafted and woven by the decisions you make
The present gives you nothing save despair
Looking for a helping hand in the dark you grope
Your entire world is suspended by a silken line
Supporting you until your casing -- you might break
In a fit of passion through the veil you tear
As the light hits your wings, you again feel hope.
 
 
End’s may give way to greater future things.  -- David Carta
The bow is bent, the arrow flies.  -- Ira Aldridge on William Tell, The Winged Shaft of Fate
Never tell your resolution beforehand.  -- John Selden, Table Talk

 

WRAPUP	July 9, 1986

One year it has taken me to complete "Summer Notes 1985." Not too bad I guess, especially since I was originally hoping to fill a page per day and finish it during the last summer. That idea lasted two days, guess that was when I reentered reality. I was even able to keep true to the original purpose of the book -- all I did was limit myself to poetry (or at least semi-passable facsimiles of the same) and quoting sayings which seemed to capture the feelings inside of me.
I must say though, I am much happier today than I was when I started writing this book. I know who my friends are and who I can trust. I have worked out many problems I had with my parents, even though I almost had to move out of the house in resolving them, things again are going smoothly. It really doesn’t matter too much now though as I will be moving out to Caltech come September.
Then there is the matter of my love life. Sometimes I feel like love and I go together in the same way as 7-up and caffeine -- never had it, never will. But no, I can’t be that way. I realize that I’ve grown quite a bit in the past year and it’ll probably continue. I just have to realize that the only way things might happen for me is if I make them occur.
So here closes this chapter of my life. But knowing me, I will probably start another volume. However no longer do I plan on using my D.K. (Dark Knight) signature. Maybe the next book will show some of my other ventures on the lines of art and literature… maybe…
David Carta
 
 
P.S. One last thing -- there is no gravity -- the earth sucks.